Top 100 Movies (Minor Spoilers)

Top 100 Movies (Minor Spoilers)

By Brian J. Lancaster (November 2022)

Website: www.laughingcoyote.net

Top 100 movies, divided into 4 teirs, plus some honorable mentions. The titles in each tier are, once again, kind of interchangeable. Also, I'm not including documentaries in this list, otherwise there would be Sacha Baron Cohen (which are technically documentaries), some Oliver Stone docs, and Louis Theroux.

You will notice there's a huge general gap after 9/11/2001, because truly, the terrorists won and all movies sucked for a while.

Tier 1 (1 to 25)

Fargo (1996): Well, gosh darn freaking HECK!

Jackie Brown (1997): According to the lore, Quentin Tarantino shoplifted an Elmore Leonard novel when he was a kid. He then went and gave the $4 back (or something) to Elmore Leonard and asked to write/direct the film adaptation of his novel Rum Punch (the sequel to The Switch). In the novel, Jackie Brown is a white blonde chick named Jackie Burke, and Sammy Jackson's character Ordell has a thing for white blonde surfer girls. Then he wants to replace Jackie Burke for a younger blonde surfer girl.

Alien (1979): My top 3 movies all have female protagonists. See? I don't hate all feminists.

The Thing (1982): John Carpenter is the greatest director of the 80s. The movie opens where the 2011 film left off, with the dog (the Thing) escaping from the Norwegian research base in Antarctica being persued by a helicopter. The pilot is yelling in Norwegian, "Get the hell away from that thing. That's not a dog, it's some sort of thing! It's imitating a dog, it isn't real! GET AWAY YOU IDIOTS!!" Being monolingual, the Americans proceed to shoot the guy and save the "dog". Also, the 2002 computer game was fun, fuck you. Your two main weapons were a flamethrower and a fire extinguisher.

Dumb and Dumber (1994): "Whoa, whoa... husband? What was all that one in a million talk?" I think I have the entire screenplay memorized.

Blade Runner (1982): Don't let those skinjobs play you. 

Cabin Boy (1994): I feel bad for the antagonist (Mike Starr from Dumb and Dumber), who is a giant who used to sleep on the beach and devour boars all day. Then he got married and his blue wife made him start a job selling office supplies, but she cheats on him constantly with lonely fishermen. Also, Andy Richtor dies horribly and I cry every time I see it. One of the greatest dramatic tragedies ever written.

Blue Velvet (1986): "Heineken? Fuck that shit! PABST BLUE RIBBON!!! Dennis Hopper might be my favorite actor."

Deliverance (1972): Despite suffering from the 1970s sickness of filming at noon and then turning down the brightness and playing really loud crickets to make it seem like night time, this is one of the best.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFutge4xn3w

Network (1976): It probably helped fuel people like Alex Jones and the QAnon retards, but it's such a great film. I just wish there was less of the romance subplot. If you have a romance subplot, it should eventually contribute to the overarching plot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35DSdw7dHjs

Rashomon (1951): Akira Kurusawa managed to make the only movie that made me cry that wasn't about Vietnam.

Seven Samurai (1954): I wish there were action scenes like Akira Kurusawa's in modern movies. It's a lost art.

Throne of Blood (1957): Ripoff of Shakespeare, but better than Shakespeare. There is an insane finale with real bow and arrows stunts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GvVzvoEx4w

Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993): Mel Brook's greatest.

History of the World, Part I (1981): Part 2 is coming soon. Mel Brooks, Nick Kroll, and Wanda Sykes are all involved.

Idiocracy (2006): "Of course he's guilty, your honor. I mean, just look at him."

Office Space (1999): Everything Mike Judge touches is gold. Also, watch Tales From the Tour Bus.

Team America (2004): There will never be another movie like this.

Reservoir Dogs (1992): I'm still looking back on that track for a little green bag. Still not finding it.

Pulp Fiction (1994): If you ignore Tarantino's foot fetish dialogue, it's a great movie.

Sexy Beast (2000): The greatest British crime movie ever made.

Snatch (2000): The second greatest British crime movie ever made.

Braindead (Dead Alive, 1992): Peter Jackson at his finest. The U.S. had to change the name due to some copyright issues or some shit.

True Romance (1993): I named one of my pet rats Eggplant back in college because of the Dennis Hopper/Christopher Walken scene. It also kind of looked like an eggplant.

Death Proof (2007): The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and lots of drunk chicks to kill on the freeway before I sleep. Anything with Kurt Russell is amazing. He even managed to save The Hateful Eight for me, which was Tarantino's worst film (but Kurt fucking Russell). Also, I was forced to memorize that whole fucking poem back in high school.

Tier 2 (26 to 50)

Almost Heroes (1998): Chris Farley's funniest movie.

Oh Brother, Where Art Thou (2000): Best Coen Brothers movie after Fargo. Used it in history class in China multiple times.

Office Space (1999): This movie had a legitimate impact on the restaurant industry and stopped forcing waiters to wear flaire. Mike Judge #1.

https://www.bustle.com/articles/28594-office-space-had-a-big-effect-on-flair-at-restaurants-waiters-should-be-thankful

The Shining (1980): Ghost alcohol is the best alcohol.

Army of Darkness (1992): There were two endings to this movie and it pissed me off. The one where he goes back to modern times and works for his store again, and he tells the babe, "Sure, I could have stayed back in olden times and been their king, but I guess in my own way, I am king. Hail to the king, baby." Final kiss. Also, the Ash vs. the Evil Dead series has Xena in it.

A Serious Man (2009): I have no idea what this movie means or what the message is, but it's just good cinema.

Glengarry Glenn Ross (1992): This movie taught me to never sell real estate. Pretty sure Old Gill from the Simpsons is based on Jack Lemmon's character.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHXOS2CrzGk

(Total player move hitting up AA meetings to sell your shit, though. Respect.)

2001: A Space Odyssey (1970): Arthur C. Clarke wrote the screenplay and the novel at the same time, apparently. If you watch the movie, you have know idea what the fuck is happening. If you read the novel, it pretty much explains everything. My favorite Clarke novel is The City and the Stars.

Blazing Saddles (1974): Driver, take me off this picture.

Scarface (1983): Oliver Stone brought attention to the cocaine crisis here, even though he didn't really connect it to the CIA in this movie. Fuck, this was a good movie.

Goodfellas (1990): "I like this one. One dog goes one way, the other dog goes the other way."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlyXZG2dupo

Grandma's Boy (2006): Would you like some tea? It's a delightful dandelion-nettle blend.

Half Baked (1998): You ever see the back of a $20 bill... on weed?

Kelly's Heroes (1970): Donald Sutherland plays a Veitnam soldier on LSD who somehow travels back in time to the WWII western front as a tank commander and helps Clint Eastwood steal a bunch of Nazi gold.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966): Probably the greatest film theme music ever. Fuck, I love spaghetti western theme music.

Silence of the Lambs (1991): Random guy in max security to Jodie Foster: "I can smell your cunt!" Anthony Hopkins: "I, personally, cannot smell it." (paraphrased)

Hannibal (2001): I saw the final scene at the end with Ray Liotta when I was way too young. Still having nightmares about it as an adult. Respect.

Red Dragon (2002): The whole trilogy needs to be here. And Edward Norton is amazing.

American History X (1998): Ladies, would you still bang Edward Norton with the swastika tattoos?

Videodrome (1983): "All hail the new flesh."

Black Sheep (1996): "Ro-ads".

Mandy (2018): Finale is a chainsaw fight. More movies need to end with the bad guy falling on his knees crying and begging to suck dick.

The Color Out of Space (2019): The only good Lovecraft film adaptation ever made, and they finally spelled "Color" correctly, thankfully.

Casualties of War (1989): Vietnam war movie with Micheal J. Fox and John C. Reilly. Don't watch it with your girlfriend. The only movies that I ever cry at are Vietnam movies.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975): Jack Nicholson is maybe the greatest actor of all time, but seriously, read the book. The "fog" is some trippy shit.

Tier 3 (51 to 75)

A Clockwork Orange (1971): Well, well, well. Welly welly welly welly beef wellington.

Harold and Kumar 1 (2004): "I'm fat, black, can't dance, and I have two gay fathers. People have been messing with me my whole life. I learned a long time ago there's no sense getting all riled up every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. In the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should. Plus I have a really large penis. That keeps me happy."

Harold and Kumar 2 (2008): George W. Bush scene.

Road Warrior (1982): "I'd say you got a bargain, mate."

Bad Santa (2003): I watch this movie every Christmas.

The Big Lebowski (1998): "Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos."

Beavis and Butthead Do America (1996): "Never end a sentence with a preposition." This is false information. I can confirm this because I was teaching English grammar for almost 10 years. Also, never say the God damn joke while on tour at the Hoover Dam. The tour guides don't think it's funny.

Platoon (1986): Oliver Stone is the man.

Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels (1998): I think this is the second best Guy Ritchie movie after Snatch, but I still haven't seen all of them.

Natural Born Killers (1994): A movie that makes a critique about violence in media by making an ultra violent movie. Makes total logical sense. But Oliver Stone is still the man.

Jurassic Park (1993): Almost as good as the Robert De Nero Frankenstein movie that starts with the creature escaping an icebreaker ship on a dog sled on the North Pole.

Leaving Las Vegas (1995): They should show this at all AA meetings.

Friday (1995): Main bad guy rides a bicycle.

Total Recall (1990): Hilarious, and technically based off a Phillip K. Dick story called "We Can Remember it For You, Wholesale" (extremely loosely).

El Topo (1970): Great Mexican flick. Do hallucinogens before watching.

Catch-22 (1970): This is here just because it's my favorite novel. The movie did not disappoint, but they left out some key jokes.

Hits (2014): Hilarious comedy written by David Cross. He's in it for about 2 minutes at the end.

Burn After Reading (2008): Great Coen brothers movie.

Aliens (1986): Normally not into action movies, but this is one of the best.

Pooty Tang (2001): "Dirty Dee, you’re a baddy daddy lamatai tebby chai!"

Trainspotting (1996): "Choose life."

Event Horizon (1997): "Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see."

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996): Directed by two people, so it's basically two different movies. Also, Tito and Tarantula fucks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRfO9SuzHuM

MacGruber (2010): The second best movie (after Mandy) where somebody breaks down and begs to suck cock in desperation.

Ace Ventura (1994): He's an animal rights activist that keeps a shit ton of animals caged up in his room.

Tier 4 (76 to 100)

Auto-Focus (2002): True story about the star of Hogan's Heroes and one of the guys who invented the home video camera. They are both sex addicts and record a ton of sex videos and do cocaine. Just an all around good movie.

Hot Fuzz (2007): Good British comedy.

Gangster No. 1 (2000): Good British crime.

25th Hour (2002): Spike Lee and Edward Norton at their best.

The Killing of a Chinese Bookie (1976): American realism, according to my college film class. It was damn entertaining, and it stars the bad guy from Road House.

Killshot (2008): Alright, this movie is probably only in the list because Elmore Leonard is one of my favorite novelists of all time and there just aren't enough good film adaptations. Mickey Rourke plays a native American hitman for the Toronto mafia.

Nebraska (2013): MacGruber's second greatest role.

Big Trouble in Little China (1986): Kurt Russell is not to be fucked with. Just don't pay attention to John Carpenter's original score or else you can't stop paying attention to it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeR27OP4V7U

The Matrix (1999): Quick correction: the human body could not serve as a battery. Human bodies consume energy, not produce it.

Starship Troopers (1997): I will eventually develop a game heavily inspired by this Robert Heinlein novel. Also, the movie is pretty damn funny.

Predator 1 (1987): They are given an assignment to rescue hostages from a compound in the jungle, and then proceed to shoot rockets at it and burn it down with a flamethrower.

Jaws 1 (1975): Chalkboard scene.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPi40lQetew

Brazil (1985): I watched this movie because I was studying Portuguese and I was thinking about moving to Brazil before Bolsonaro got elected. Found out this movie has nothing to do with Brazil. Amazing dystopian movie, though.

City of God (2002): This movie is actually Brazilian.

The Lion King (1994): Ripoff of Shakespeare, but better than Shakespeare (part 2); not the one with fucking John Oliver where they weirdly only had one song and cut out all the other songs

Godfather Part 1 (1972): I learned to play the theme music on the ocarina in Zelda 64.

Godfather Part 2 (1974): It somehow manages to beat the theme music of the first one, but I never got the Zelda 64 ocarina tune down. I had to study for finals and shit.

Machete (2010): Danny Trejo holding on to a baddie's intestines and swinging out the window and crashing into the window below. I took a student out to this movie back in 2010 in San Fran when I was training to be a teacher. Good times.

Mean Streets (1973): You? You're OK. But this guy? This guy's a fuckin mook.

Night of the Living Dead (1968): Included because it's the OG zombie movie.

The Fly (1958): True psychological horror.

Goodnight, Mommy (2014): Austrian people are fucked up. Apparently there is a 2022 American version that I have not yet seen.

Let the Right One In (2008): Swedish horror movie and probably my favorite vampire movie of all time.

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call: New Orleans (2009): Xhibit and Nick Cage: Don't mind the excessive colons.

Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke (1978): Included here because I ripped off Cheech Marin's accent when I voice acted all the Mexican characters in Brigand: Oaxaca while high as shit. The duo met in Canada while dodging the draft.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNR7WJ3SW60

Tier 5 (Honorable Mentions)

I Spit on Your Grave (2010): Watch it with your girlfriend.

Extract (2009): Mila Kunis is the hottest woman, and Mike Judge is the greatest screenwriter.

Orgazmo (1997): The Book of Mormon Prototype.

Casino (1995): Still trying to find the SNL skit with Robert DiNero.

The Banshees of Inisherin (2022): It's no In Bruges, but damn this movie was beautiful.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019): This is here mostly because I'm fascinated with the CIA connection to Charles Manson. Also I wrote an article about it here:

https://blancaster45.blogspot.com/2020/12/charles-manson-and-mk-ultra.html

Inglorious Bastards (original): It's basically a dirty dozen ripoff, where they take a bunch of convicts and drop them off in Nazi territory. Plus it has the black cigar smoking guy, Fred Williamson.

Inglorious Basterds: Ben Affleck speaking Italian.

Fear and Loathing: The book was obviously much better, but I have to include this movie.

Rule No. 1: Almost the same story as Fallen (about the Azazel demon), but this Hong Kong movie is way better.

Beijing Bicycle: A kid gets his bicycle stolen that he needs for his job, then it gets sold to another kid who needs it. Then the finale happens and it's brutal.

Kill List: Chilling British horror shit.

Pig: Nicholas Cage at his best.

The Disaster Artist: Not in the top 100 just because you had to subject yourself to The Room to get it.

The World's End: Beer is disgusting. I know this now.

Shawn of the Dead: Introduced me to Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now".

The Death of Stalin: Respect to Steve Buscemi for not trying to fake a British accent while playing a foreign character.

Rock N Rolla: Classic British crime.

Shaft: (At the sandwich place) Cop guy: "Hey Shaft, what did you get?" / Shaft: (wiping his mouth) "I got laid."

Enter the Dragon: Best Bruce Lee movie.

Roadhouse: Patrick Swayze has a degree in philosophy and does Tai-Chi, but his job is kicking people at bars.

Goldfinger: Best Bond movie by far. Not sure if Goldfinger's plan would have worked. He wanted to break into Fort Knox, but the gold was too heavy to get away with, so he just wanted to irradiate all the gold to make his gold more valuable or something? If somebody knows if Goldfinger's plan would work, please email me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zy1FiOk5FPY

The Man With the Golden Gun: The bad guy has three nipples.

Bone Tomahawk: Still having nightmares.

Escape From New York: Kurt Russell, again, excels.

Hot Tub Time Machine: Some guy showed this movie to me on a Greyhound bus after we got high at a rest stop and it was hilarious

They Live: Put. The glasses. On.

Once Were Warriors: Great New Zealand film.

Parasite: One of the best Korean movies. Fuck Host. I hated Host (it was just a 90 minute commercial for terrible Korean beer and junk food).

Blood Simple: Another Cohen brothers movie that deserves to be on the list.

Boogie Nights: Great movie, but watch Auto-Focus first.

Naked Prey: Don't kill elephants, kids.

Young Frankenstein: Everything by Mel Gibson is good.

In Bruges: "I didn't even know where Bruges fuckin was."

Your Highness: "I want you to be gay with me and my father."

The Babadook: Nothing supernatural about this movie, just a single working Aussie mother who is losing her mind.

Beasts of No Nation: Lots of child soldiers and depressing stuff.

All Cheech and Chong Movies