Premature Election Ejaculations (Non-Sexual)

Premature Election Ejaculations (Non-Sexual)
By Brian J. Lancaster (3 November 2024)
Website: laughingcoyote.net


Disclaimer: This article might be deplorable garbage as I'm currently crunching on Warlordocracy Ch.4 and I just needed to pinch something out before the election. The race now looks like a straight 50-50 toss up to me, despite the $100 I put down on Harris after Trump's mastermind VP pick in July.

Headlines are saying that Americans are feeling stress and anxiety about the election, probably because the bodily autonomy of half the population might be snatched away by Christian Sharia Law. Excluding that unpleasantness, I'm almost sad that the most hilarious election of my lifetime is wrapping up.

It was a nonstop freak ride where we watched two sociopaths' brains liquify in real time, two starry-eyed snipers bungle their last chance at self-respect, and the pendulum of popular prediction swinging from one inevitability to the opposite and back again. No election cycle since I've been cognizant of politics in the late 90s has even come close in pure entertainment value.

When Kamala Harris said she planned to finish building the border wall, it showed bright and clear what a crock the entire U.S. Presidential race is, especially since the Citizens United ruling in 2010. Bernie Sanders will occasionally mention Citizens United on TV before getting cut off for commercials, but that's all the attention it gets. There is no longer a limit on spending for presidential campaigns, and it's all done anonymously. Both candidates are now selected by the same corporate decision-makers, rendering party primaries a charade.

The facade of real news on any mainstream media source has been shattered -- we all see the genocide in Gaza happening, the official Palestinian body count well over 40,000, mostly women and children, while the word "genocide" ist verboten to utter on air. Instead, all we hear about is a fictional border crisis that has no basis in reality.

The Fictional Border Crisis

The "Venezuelan gang takeover" in Aurora was a lie created by a PR firm called Red Banyan on behalf of a slum lord who was refusing to maintain the apartment complex.

Channel 5 Venezuelan gangs episode:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mg9WWZTXKuE

Immigration decreases the crime rate per capita as immigrants are less likely to commit crimes, it fills job vacancies in the short term, and it creates jobs for citizens in the long run. They contribute to the economy by spending over a trillion a year, and they pay billions in taxes.

The most recent group of minorities to touch Trump with their eyes closed to cure his racism were Latinos, on 22 October.

The fact that neither candidate ever shuts up about this fabricated border issue shows how the priorities of both party's platforms are coming from the top, from the corporate executives who own them. This red herring that they are constantly projectile vomiting onto us serves many functions.

One of the corporatocracy's goals is to shut down people's freedom of movement. They require large sedentary pools of unemployed labor, so it is easier to carry out large-scale projects at desired locations. If people can just move somewhere else whenever they decide they hate their job, it throws off the corporatocracy's capability to manage the workforce. Another reason is the obvious distraction from the genocide. This propaganda is causing confusion on a mass scale.

Consider the following exchange from a Channel 5 clip with Andrew Callaghan, which sums up the current mental state of half of the country (paraphrased):

Lawn-Mower Guy: "Tired of all these immigrants coming over here, not getting vaccinated."
Andrew Callighan: "Did you get vaccinated?"
Guy: "...No."

Channel 5 Pennsylvania voters episode:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YFLAk-pyzQ


The Corporatocracy

Everybody is pissed off the world over, but TV news has honed and perfected the art of misdirecting this anger. The reason you are poor and the world is shitty is not because of immigrants, it's because of the corporatocracy: Blackstone buying up all the individual housing, Chevron and Exxon-Mobil poisoning the water and air, Boeing murdering whistleblowers as their planes fall apart. And of course, when we are not directly engaged in an imperial war that bankrupts the country, we are helping Israel commit a genocide so we can open more McDonald's in Gaza to serve diabetes.

The current American-spawned corporatocracy seeks to start WWIII for profit, continuing and expanding the genocide in Gaza and allowing Israel to murder as many civilians as they want without consequence. If either candidate steps out of line on these issues during their presidency, they will most likely be executed by a "lone gunman".

Trump and Harris both know this, I think, at least subconsciously. That's why they are doing and saying everything they can to throw the election. Their actions make zero sense until you realize they are both trying to lose. They know that if they try to cut off arms to Israel to stop the genocide they will get capped, and it's a lot easier to just not be president and to let the royalties roll in from your ghost-written memoirs. The world is a business.

 

"And it has been since man first crawled out of the slime." (Network, 1976)

Legal History of Political Donations

Legislation on corporate election donations began in the early 1900s, but it wasn't until after the Watergate scandal in 1974 that the Federal Election Commission (FEC) was created, along with another series of strict limitations. The Supreme Court almost immediately began tearing down these regulations. In 1976, Buckley v. Valeo removed limits to overall expenditures, but retained the restrictions on donations to individual candidates. According to Wikipedia, this may be the longest-held ruling of the Supreme Court, and it led to the Orwellian "money is speech" gibberish that is oft spouted by those lacking critical thinking abilities.

Citizens United v. FEC broke those final restrictions in 2010 with Super PACS. Lots of contributions can still be tracked, but the proportion of dark money has been skyrocketing since Citizens United. In 2006, less than one million dollars were spent on political ads from groups that didn't report their donors, and in 2012 it was $308 million according to opensecrets.org. This is largely from nonprofits, who are not required to disclose their sources.

Campaign money can easily be spent on personal benefits and enriching a politician's friends and family. Almost every politician at the national level owes their livelihood to corporate donors. The "purpose" of these expenditures on the check can be as vague as needed. According to opensecrets.org, "In 2012 alone, all federal political committees and campaigns spent more than $109 million on 'postage' without further explanation." This money can go to any number of unspecified subcontractors and vanish. After retiring, these politicians can then get a cozy job at a private government relations firm (the revolving door). Nearly every politician at the national level is in some corporate pocket, including Supreme Court justices.

Of course corporate donations to the Republican party far outweigh donations to the Democrats, as the Republicans publicly deny environmental science, seek to remove all corporate regulations, and want to restrict welfare strictly to billionaires like Musk. The top six corporate donors all pumped money into the Republican Party this election, according to opensecrets.org.

However, a lot of major financial players donate equally to both, such as Andreessen Horowitz, Sequoia Capital, and the National Association of Realtors. The investment firm Blackrock had 13 investors in congress from both parties (not to be confused with the hyper-conservative donors Blackstone). Both parties are shills for the real estate giants at home, the military industrial complex abroad, and the oil corporations that are butt-fucking everybody.


Chevron's Poisoning of Ecuador

Reporting on the crimes of corporations can get you murdered like Boeing whistleblower John Barnett, or just arrested and ruined, like Steven Donziger. Chevron (and formerly Texaco) had been poisoning Ecuador since the 1960s, purposely dumping more than 80 times the amount of the BP oil disaster in 2010, causing cancer and birth defects in the local population. The Ecuadoran courts have ordered Chevron to pay $9.5 billion in damages, which Chevron has ignored.

For representing these victims in court, American lawyer Steven Donziger lost his legal license in D.C., was put under house arrest, and then sent to jail. The corporatocracy operates above the law, and they will defame, imprison, or murder anyone who poses a threat to their profit. Both major political parties, and most of the third parties, are nothing more than puppets for these masters.

 

Ecuador

Conclusion

Despite this apocalyptic state of affairs, this election was one of the most hilarious shows of my life, and I'm a little sad that it's almost over. The dementia is making Trump funnier by the day, like when he swayed back and forth to music on stage for 40 minutes instead of answering questions. We got the endless Hannibal Lecter and shark vs. boat battery speeches, the McDonald's cosplay, and the insane butterfly effect of Joe Rogan recommending "comedian" Tony Hinchcliffe for the Madison Square Garden rally -- Trump supporters wearing garbage bags at his rallies now, etc.

If you know that national elections are just high-budget puppet shows, they become slightly less stressful. This knowledge should also serve to decrease hostilities between the left and the right, as we are all being manipulated into voting against our own interests.

Last but not least, we got two great Brigand mods from this election cycle:

The Rally: https://dudithebudi.itch.io/brigand-the-rally
Death of Lincoln: https://smashzone.itch.io/brigand-death-of-lincoln

Back to Warlordocracy Chapter 4 (coming in December).

Note: Also, please remember that local elections (and to a lesser extent state elections) are still very meaningful.


Sources

"Immigrants in the United States." American Immigration Council (2024)
https://map.americanimmigrationcouncil.org/locations/national/

"Latino voters lay hands and pray for Trump as they shower him with religious gifts during Miami visit." The Independent (22 Oct. 2024). https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-latino-voters-miami-prayer-b2633720.html

"Aurora officials heavily redact public documents related to landlord who claimed Venezuelan gang activity." Denver Gazette (8 Sept. 2024). https://denvergazette.com/news/aurora-venezuelan-gang-landlord-emails/article_e9cae964-6c8b-11ef-b8dc-9bf74e7d8622.html

"The 10 Things They Won't Tell You About Money in Politics." Opensecrets.org. https://www.opensecrets.org/resources/10things/

"How Does the Citizens United Decision Still Affect Us in 2024?" Campaign Legal Center (15 Jan. 2024). https://campaignlegal.org/update/how-does-citizens-united-decision-still-affect-us-2024

"This lawyer should be world-famous for his battle with Chevron – but he’s in jail." The Guardian (8 Feb. 2022). https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/feb/08/chevron-amazon-ecuador-steven-donziger-erin-brockovich

"Their Lives Were Ruined by Oil Pollution, and a Court Awarded Them $9.5 Billion. But Ecuadorians Have Yet to See a Penny From Chevron." Inside Climate News (18 Dec. 2022).
https://insideclimatenews.org/news/18122022/steven-donziger-chevron-ecuador-oil-pollution/

Channel 5 Videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YFLAk-pyzQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mg9WWZTXKuE