Bible Mistranslations
By Brian J. Lancaster (August 2021)
Website: www.laughingcoyote.net
Prometheus (his name meaning "foresight") gave fire to humanity and was punished by the gods by being chained to a rock for all eternity, his liver being pecked out by vultures and regenerating every day. That story is retold everywhere, not the metaphorical liver being pecked out by metaphorical vultures and regenerating, but a powerful being being punished for bringing knowledge to humanity.
Lucifer means "morning star" or the "bringer of light", a name used before Satan's fall from heaven. Unlike Lucifer in modern mythology, Prometheus is a heroic figure, thinking for himself and unbinding humanity from their animal instinct to run away from fire like a little bitch. The knowledge that Lucifer brought to humanity could be many things. Personally, I like to think that he brought humanity knowledge of their own mortality, motivating mankind to get off their naked asses and start working for the preservation of the species.
Check out Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut, and also this short story called "Bears Discover Fire" (both free on Youtube):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0Y9a7Mzmcw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJ_AwkDzGLA
So many stories in the Bible have been borrowed from ancient Greco-Roman and Egyptian mythology. But here I'm going to focus on the highly-probable mistranslations that occurred after the Bible was written, and subsequently translated from ancient Hebrew, into Latin and Greek, into Germanic languages, and then into English. Let's leave the concept of an intelligent designer out of this discussion for now. There are important differences in these languages that would make the Biblical tale almost unrecognizable from what the church teaches.
Most of the Bible was written on drugs, and it's also largely about drugs, specifically psychedelic mushrooms and possibly marijuana. Let's start with the old testament.
1) Mana (Manna)
The concept of "manna" was mentioned in Exodus as "a fine, flake-like thing" like the frost on the ground. In the Book of Numbers, "manna arrived with the dew during the night." The Quran also describes manna: "Truffles are part of the 'manna' which Allah sent to the people of Israel through Moses, and its juice is a medicine for the eye." Here is a direct link between the concept of "manna" and mushrooms.
God promised Moses that he would "rain bread from heaven" to feed his people while escaping Egypt. Anyone who has gone looking for psychedelic mushrooms in cow fields know that you need to go early after a rainy night and look at those cow pies. The Hebrews asked, “Mann hou?” (ancient Hebrew for "What is this?"), giving these mushrooms this name. There are other theories for what manna is, including a sweet secretion by insects on leaves, and also the bark and sweet sap of the tamarisk tree.
However, bread that "rains from heaven" overnight seems like a pretty good description of mushrooms. Mushrooms are probably how the Jews survived in the desert in Exodus, some perhaps traditionally edible, some probably with hallucinogenic properties.
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| "The Gathering of Manna" by James Tissot |
2) The Burning Bush
Benny Shanon, psychology professor at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem, has had hundreds of experiences with mind-altering plants, and he says it's very likely Moses was hallucinating when he was talking to the burning bush. He points to the Dictamnus albus plant, also known as the "gas plant", as being a possible explanation for the burning bush. It is covered with oils and can give the appearance of fire. If a small flame is placed near it, there will be a bright flash in the air.
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQTZyS7BKV8&t=14s
Note: If you ever experience a burning bush with any of your sensory organs, go to the free clinic immediately.
"Bears Discover Fire": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJ_AwkDzGLA
3) The Virgin Birth
The Hebrew word for virgin, "bethulah", is nowhere in the original text about the mother of Jesus, but it is used elsewhere in the Bible. The word used for the mother of Jesus was "ha-almah", meaning a young woman of childbearing age. So of course the Virgin Mary got laid by Joseph. I'm not sure how many of you are biologists, but I don't think a-sexual reproduction is possible in the homo sapien species (maybe if you try really really hard, I don't know).
Salomon Reinach wrote, "As early as the second century B.C. the Jews perceived the error and pointed it out to the Greeks; but the Church knowingly persisted in the false reading, and for over fifteen centuries she has clung to her error." There are theories suggesting this mistranslation was intentional on the part of the Catholic church in order to absolve Mother Mary of the original sin.
I've never studied Hebrew, but there are so many Hebrew scholars who agree that this was one of the most impactful mistranslations of all time, so I'm going to go ahead and trust their etymological studies here. I did, however, study some Latin back in high school, so I can personally confirm this next claim.
4) Jesus Walking on the Lake
In ancient Latin, the preposition "on" can also mean "against". Therefore, if you "walk on the lake", this means walking against the lake, or on the shore of the lake. The preposition in Latin is "in", which means both "on" and "against". The Latin sentence would be "Ambulate in lacum".
When the New Testament was translated from Latin, the translation went from "ambulare in lacum" (walk on the lake), which meant the same as "ambulate in litore" (walk on the beach). This meant more like "walking against the lake", or rather on the shore of the lake.
To present another theory: the Jesus lizard (Basiliscus) can run on water, and apparently a komodo dragon was confirmed to have reproduced a-sexually in isolation with only the female DNA passed on. Either there were some gross mistranslations in the Bible, or Jesus was a lizard.
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| Basilisk |
5) Jesus Turning Water into Wine
Jesus probably dosed people with mushroom tea at a wedding in Galilee. When his mother warned him in the Book of John that the guests were running out of wine, Jesus had another trick up his sleeve. He ordered six stone washing jars be filled with water. He then told the servants to draw some out and take them to the banquet host. Why did he first fill the washing jars with the water? Very possibly there was dried-out "manna" at the bottom of those jars, and that water was boiling.
At the last supper, Jesus told his disciples to eat the "bread of God", most likely the same substance referenced in the Book of Exile: psychedelic mushrooms. I would bet that Jesus started that religion with the help of psychedelic mushrooms. I've never tried starting a cult by dosing everyone with psychedelics, but it has happened repeatedly: Jonestown, the Manson Family, etc.
Death cults abounded during the waning years of the Roman Empire. Jesus started the most successful one, with a bit of charisma, anti-establishment rhetoric, and probably the help of some trusty psilocybin. I would join that cult.
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| Water into Wine (POOF) |
Sources:
https://momentmag.com/manna-is-real-and-not-so-heavenly/
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