Where the Fuck is QAnon Getting these Ideas?
By Brian J. Lancaster (May 2021)
Website: www.laughingcoyote.net
I've talked to a couple flat-earthers in real life, one at a bar and one on a train, both nice guys. It's fun to reduce everything they say to absurdity and then dominate them at ping pong and pool and buy them some alcohol because you kinda feel sorry for them, but you don't tell them that. Then you feel bad for feeling intellectually superior, but then you feel good about feeling bad about feeling superior, so it's all cool.
Comparatively, the flat earth theory is not that dangerous of an idea, something repeated by people who have never been on a sailboat or an airplane before, nor anyone who has driven away from the Rocky Mountains and watched them sink behind the horizon, apparently. And the guy who blew himself up building rockets to see the curvature of the earth with his own eyes instead of strapping a camera on the thing? That guy truly is my hero.
Right after Wan Hu, of course (who probably never existed).
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| Wan Hu's Rocket Chair |
Thankfully, I've never personally met a QAnon cultist before, not even online. QAnon is the cult that raided the U.S. Capitol on January 6th and talk way too much about raping babies. Obviously it is a social disease all over the internet, but thank fuck I've never actually met one in real life. I would never be able to laugh and buy them booze, because the idea is a cancer, but if I did meet one, I would like to ask them questions and reductio ad absurdum the shit out of everything they say.
Where are they getting the information that Hillary Clinton ran a sex slave ring from the basement of Comet Ping Pong Pizza? Where are they hearing that human adrenochrome makes you younger? All that shit does is give you a lizard tail and causes Nixon faces to fly out of your television.
Hunter S. Thompson probably popularized the adrenochrome myth in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72 (the latter of which I highly recommend). Aldous Huxley had mentioned it previously in 1954 in The Doors of Perception and it was mentioned in A Clockwork Orange. Other than these works of fiction and nonsensical unreliable non-fiction, there's no evidence of adrenochrome ever being used as a drug or medicine.
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| Finish... the God damn story, man. |
Similar to how Robert Anton Wilson was largely responsible for a wave of Illuminati conspiracy theories due to Operation Mindfuck, a hoax pulled off in the 60s and 70s for shits and giggles, and similar to how Scientology started off as a purely fictional novel, it seems Hunter S. Thompson accidentally spawned some psycho theories about cannibalism leading to eternal youth. It's the only way the Queen of England is still alive.
According to the QAnon cult, prominent Democrats like Tom Hanks and Hillary Clinton have been cannibalizing babies to look their best. Unfortunately, adrenochrome does not appear to cure Hillary's extremely annoying laugh.
This psychotic conspiracy theory of consuming virgins for longevity is not new.
A strong influence on the modern Eastern European vampire myth, after Vlad "the Impaler" Dracula, and well before Bram Stoker's novel Dracula, was the countess Elizabth Bathory. Bathory was, according to the history books, everything that QAnon accuses Hillary Clinton of being.
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| Elizabeth Bathory |
Born in 1560 in the Hungarian Empire (in what is now Slovenia), Elizabeth Bathory had many health problems, probably due to the fact that her parents were first cousins. She witnessed cruel punishments and horrible brutality against servants her entire childhood. Supposedly she once laughed when she saw a man being sewn inside a horse for the crime of theft.
After she came into power, she was accused of torturing her servant girls, then eventually killing them and bathing in their blood to maintain her skin's youth. Eventually, she was accused of these atrocities and many more in 1602, and sentenced to a lifetime of imprisonment. She died at the age of 54.
There have been theories that Bathory was the victim of a conspiracy theory due to her vast amounts of wealth after her husband's death, as well as possible religious disputes, but there were over 300 witnesses, bones, and dead girls found in her castle. So unlike the rumors about Catherine the Great banging horses, the accusations against Bathory are most likely true.
Elizabeth Bathory might just be where the first QAnon troll got his insane template for Hillary Clinton, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was just a bad joke that helped lead to the U.S. insurrection on Jan/ 6th. Much like a terrible 1982 sci-fi book gave us the most annoying cult before QAnon, and worse the John Travolta movie.
The lesson here is: be careful who you hoax for fun, because there are always idiots who don't understand that it's a joke.
To end on a lighter note, here is Alex Jones getting pissed off at a cliff racer for flipping him off.
Sources:
Oh damn, this podcast does way more in-depth research into the QAnon cult than I'll ever be able to do: https://soundcloud.com/qanonanonymous
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